The Kotel

My heart still races when I think about my experience at the kotel. I was so fully blown away by it that my mind clears, but also fogs over when I try to put it into words. My Jewish life so far has been a blur of shabbat dinners, Friday night services here and there, Hebrew school, and various other technically "Jewish" obligations. What I have learned here is that being Jewish shouldn't be an "obligation." It shouldn't be something we dread or something our parents drag us to because it's the "right thing to do." No, being Jewish should bring the kind of feelings I had while sitting quietly next to an emense ancient wall. Being Jewish should be the tears I cried as I wrote my letter to nudge into one of its many cracks. Being Jewish should feel like our past and our future is at a standstill. All of these things and more were felt at the Kotel. You simply can't get these feelings at home. You can't feel this connected in Boise. I've realized that you don't have to know everything. You don't have to believe everything.
These are a few conclusions I made at the Kotel:
1. Life is simply WAY too short to care about the little things. For all we know, WE LIVE ONCE. Maybe not.. Maybe so, we don't know. I know people always say "seize the day, live in the moment, blah blah blah, and other "motivational bullshit"' but at the kotel I realized how important this is. Each second, minute, hour, day, and so on is a gift. You have a choice each moment on what to do with it, but you won't get it back. Each minute you waste is one that is gone forever. It's so vital that we don't let these gifts go by. I really can't stress that enough.
2. Most questions will go unanswered. We won't know what happens after we die. We won't know if there is a God or not or even what the word "God" means. People spend too much time killing themselves over it. What matters is what you feel and what you feel connected to. We need to move on from those "unanswered questions." It's important to wonder... but to dwell is a waste of time.
3. Forgive. It's not worth the energy spent on being angry. If someone screwed you over either let them go respectfully as a friend, or find it in your heart to give them another chance. People that waste weeks and years on being angry only make their own lives a living hell. It's simply not worth it.

The only word I can use to sum up my evening at the Western Wall is "WOW."
Wow-- The golden sunset falling behind the hills.
Wow-- The diverse array of women praying their own silent prayers.
Wow-- The elderly woman bawling behind me.
Wow-- My mind racing and eyes welling up.

After walking away from the wall, my ICC group met in a circle to talk about our experiences. For some, it was the first time there, for others their 10th. At that moment it didn't matter. Honestly, nothing mattered but the fact that we were there-- all of us together. We sang Oseh Shalom as our eyes welled up with tears yet again-- the first timers, the boys, our Madrichim, and those of us who had been there before. For that very moment, that very precious gift of a moment, we were in the most holy place in the world, and we were there together.