wanting 75

I've been trying to avoid this blog since last week, but I guess I would have to come to terms with it eventually. It's honestly been the biggest rollercoaster of emotions in the past week and I'm finally settling into the norm again. Three boys got sent home on Wednesday night and it was one big blur of tears, anger, disappointment, and confusion. Unfortunately one of the boys was Matan, who has been going to camp with me for as long as I can remember. Another was Max who I had just became friends with, and the other Jordan, who I hadn't gotten the chance to really get to know yet. It's such a shame to have friends, or those who could have been friends ripped away from a setting like this. Thousands of miles away from our real family we've had to make our own family here. 75 was such a complete number... a number we all wanted to keep so badly. The three of them made a poor choice to drink on campus. I'm not saying that everyone should go out and get drunk on weekends, but you'd think they could have at least waited a few days. They made a stupid choice, therefore had to face the consequences. The best way to sum up the experience is just that it sucked. Everything about it sucked. All day Wednesday the three boys sat up in the office and no one was really sure if they'd be sent home or not. There was a huge strain in the group and everyone was really tense. Eventually, we got the word that they would be sent home in the morning. It effected all of us in our own ways. Some were bawling, others were silent or cried quietly to themselves. All we wanted was 75. An hour or so later, we got word that Matan and Jordan would be sent home in an hour. We panicked. AN HOUR?! How are you supposed to just say goodbye in an hour? It was so unfair. We crowded in their rooms and watched them fold and pack up all their belongings. Miriam, Mayan, and I sat on a cabinet and watched as Matan's room became emptier and emptier. As the hour ticked on, we migrated upstairs to say goodbyes. It was so surreal. I remembered sitting on Mt. Rainier this past summer with Miriam and Matan talking about TRY. I remembered how bad he wanted to come. I remembered how excited I was to see the two of them at the airport in New York. All of these memories hit me as I hugged him goodbye. After my farewell to Matan, I made my way over to Jordan and hugged him goodbye as well. I told him that I was sad that we didn't get to talk more. He told me he was too and that he knew we could have been friends. It made my heart sink, but also slapped me in the face with reality. Do we ever really know how long we have with a person? Absolutely not. We take so much for granted. Everyday I take being here in Israel for granted. Hell, I even take being alive in general for granted. I was given 74 individuals to get to know, to learn from, and for them to learn from me. I thought I would have 74. Honestly, you have no idea when "the end" will be with anyone. It's so vital that we understand and accept this. It's never easy knowing that today could be the last day, but it's also the truth. How can we take this and use it to our advantage? Never turn down the opportunity to get to know someone. No matter how much you judge or label from day one, you can be pleasantly surprised. This is sort of the experience I had with Max. I didn't really give him a chance in the beginning. At some point, we started talking and hanging out and I realized that he was one of the nicest guys I've ever met. It made me realize how many people I probably passed by at home. How many people do I walk past in the hallway without giving them the light of day. How many potential friends have I turned down simply because of my own stupid judgement? One of the quotes that has impacted me the most so far on my adventure here is "Today is the first day of the rest of your life." It's true. Each morning when you open your eyes think to yourself.. this is the youngest I'll be for the rest of my life. Nothing else really matter because TODAY is the first day. It gives us a chance to have a clean slate and a new beginning. So with that.. what are you going to do with the first day of the rest of your life?